


Mirages, Misunderstandings

by Zephyrfox



Series: James and Alec, the Early Years [1]
Category: GoldenEye (1995), James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), Legends (2014)
Genre: Alec Trevelyan/OMC (mentioned), Canon-Typical Violence, Happy Ending, Instance of homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mostly hurt, Some hurt/comfort, or at least, return to happy status quo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 22:04:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10580394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zephyrfox/pseuds/Zephyrfox
Summary: James Bond and Alec Trevelyan have been friends since they met at training for the SBS. James knows that Alec is bi, but so far has managed to mostly ignore that. Now, after the court order allowing homosexuals to serve in the military, he's going to have to face a situation he may not be ready for.





	

 

Sub-Lieutenant James Bond, along with the rest of the SBS group, followed their Colonel through the Estonian compound. They were part of the British team that would be taking part in a multinational joint training exercise.

Their hosts were from the Estonian contingent. Apparently it was traditional for them to plan exercises in a sauna, and had invited the leadership from all of the participating nations to attend.

Neutral observers and military teams from Finland and the United States joined them on their walk to the sauna. There were several interpreters with them. One of them was an American sergeant.

He slid his eyes toward the man. Tall, dark-haired, dark-eyed, and a little older than him and Alec. Mark Hutchins. He ground his teeth and brought his attention back to the front.

Two steps later, his eyes were drawn against his will to his left. First Lieutenant Alec Trevelyan, his best friend, strode next to him, matching his steps, eyes resolutely forward. He felt a pang in his chest. Alec should have been slanting green eyes lit by mischief back at him.

Ever since their argument last night, Alec hadn't spoken to him beyond military necessity.

But he was right. He knew he was.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

James and Alec walked back to their quarters in tense silence.

Alec led the way into their room and whirled on him, face set in anger, as he closed the door.

Before Alec could speak, he said, “You know I’m right.”

“No, you’re not bloody right.” Alec glared at him. “We were just talking.”

He took a deep breath, trying to rein in his temper. “You were _flirting_ with him. In public.”

“So? It’s legal now.” Alec sounded sullen. “You should remember. You helped me celebrate.”

“Yes. Fine. It’s legal. For _you._ But what about for Mark?” He said the name with a hint of disgust. He hated the man. “It’s not legal for him.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Alec shrugged, hurt and anger palpable in the movement. “We can be discreet. We’ve both had lots of practice.”

He rolled his eyes. “That’s not the _point.”_

“Then what _is_ the point, James?” Alec spat the words at him. “Are you showing your homophobia now?”

He went still, unable to breathe. That slam hurt, targeting his fear that yes, he was homophobic. He utterly despised the idea of Alec with Mark.

“Yeah. You’re not saying anything. That says it all, right there, doesn’t it? You're fine when I date women, but not when I date other men. Maybe I need a new roommate.” Alec stormed over to his bed and grabbed his duffel bag, slinging it over his shoulder.

James heard sadness as well as anger in Alec’s voice. “Alec —”

Alec shouldered him aside, heading towards the door. On his way out, he flung back, “Maybe I need a new _friend.”_

The door slammed shut.

James sucked in a gasping breath that was nearly a sob. He turned, leaning his back against the door and sank down to his haunches, head in hands, trying to figure out just what had happened.

He knew, without a doubt, that Alec was going to Hutchins’ room. He ground his teeth. Alec loved him. He knew that. How could Alec choose Hutchins over him? He was just trying to make sure Alec didn’t get hurt.

What the hell was he going to do?

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

The group came to a halt outside the sauna, and he took advantage of the momentary disarray to shift closer and nudge Alec’s shoulder.

Alec shot him a black look.

“I’m sorry.” He wasn’t, not really, but he couldn’t stand the distance between them, or the idea that Alec hated him.

Alec studied him, green eyes hard and forbidding.

He stood there, trying not to shift uncomfortably, while he waited for Alec to respond.

Finally a small smile flashed across Alec’s face, and he nodded. “I’m sorry, too.”

He grinned in relief as his world shifted back onto its proper axis and Alec’s smile widened into a matching grin.

Then it was time to enter the building. Alec fell into step at his back as they went through the door.

He paused, startled, just inside the door, and only when Alec nudged him did he start moving again.

The others that had entered before them were in various stages of undress in the outer room of the sauna. They were stowing their clothes in cubbies along the walls.

He licked suddenly dry lips as he noticed that most of the men had their towels slung over their shoulders, not wrapped around their waists. Then he flushed as he realized that meant he was going to see Alec naked. In public.

He darted a glance toward Alec, to see Alec’s head turning away quickly with reddening ears.

He took a breath. He was an officer in the Royal Navy. He could handle a situation of social nudity.

He kept sneaking glances at Alec as they both undressed and stowed their clothes in adjoining cubbies. He told himself it was to see if Alec was sneaking glances at him. He wasn’t entirely certain if that would be good or bad.

He knew the shape of Alec’s body. How could he not? They’d lived and worked together for over two years, and practicality had often been more important than propriety. But. This seemed different somehow. His eyes went back to Alec, as if drawn by a magnetic pull. Alec was standing slightly turned away from him, and he couldn’t quite see… he shook himself. Why was he staring?

When they were naked, they stood waiting. The others were waiting too, talking quietly among themselves. He very carefully did not look below anyone's waist.

Their colonel came over to him and Alec, and they straightened to attention.

“Bond. Trevelyan. Don’t sit together in there. Keep your mouths shut and your ears open. I want a report on your observations later. Oh, and if you think you have something relevant to say in there, trust me. You don’t. Should you decide that you do have something to say, tell me after. Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” they said together.

They traded a puzzled glance as their colonel walked away to talk to his opposite number in the American SEALs.

Then the group shifted and finally started moving into the sauna itself.

James spread his towel on a bench and sat, taking a look around. When he spotted Alec, he went cold, despite the intense heat.

Hutchins — _Mark_ — flashed Alec a friendly smile and sat down, close enough that the two were almost touching.

Hutchins caught his eye and lifted his chin challengingly. Then he leaned closer to Alec and whispered in his ear. Alec frowned and shot a glance at him, a puzzled expression on his face.

James lifted one shoulder in a half shrug and turned away dismissively. He tried not to notice the hurt flash across Alec’s face.

The shift in his field of vision brought one of the American observers, Dickerson, to his attention. The observer was watching Alec and Hutchins with a speculative expression.

Dickerson seemed to notice he was being watched, and casually shifted to talk to the man next to him.

He filed that away and concentrated on listening as their colonel had ordered.

He was doing his best to ignore Alec and the interpreter, when he saw Hutchins whispering to Alec again out of the corner of his eye. He ground his teeth. Why did Alec have to like Hutchins?

_Are you showing your homophobia now?_

He caught his breath as he remembered Alec’s accusation from last night. _Was_ he homophobic? It wasn't the first time he'd wondered. He had some version of the thought every time some man got close to Alec. But normally he didn’t care who anyone else dated. Hell, he’d be ecstatic if Hutchins found some other man to flirt with.

He glowered at Hutchins and Alec again. This was the first time he had seen Alec flirting with a man. Normally Alec kept his activities discreet, but since the law banning homosexuality in the military was changed, it was perfectly legal for Alec to openly date other men. Alec could flirt with other men in front of him. His stomach twisted at the thought.

 

~~~~

 

James went into the exercise with a feeling of impending disaster looming over him. After the scene in the sauna, they were fighting again. Well. They’d be fighting if Alec was actually speaking to him.

The worst part was that Alec wasn’t going to be at his back — or be deployed nearby. They were used to leading separate teams, but Alec’s squad was assigned to an area that was almost opposite to where his own squad would be.

He still brought a second radio, tuned to their personal channel, even though he was afraid that Alec wouldn’t be doing the same.

The radio remained silent throughout the exercise.

 

~~~~

 

He was waiting with his squad for a ride back to base when his second radio crackled to life.

“James. James? Please… think… help… ambush…rebels… cave… fire…I’ve got injured… James? Please be listening. … under fire… not part of the exercise… dead…”

He froze, his mind blanking before he grabbed the radio. “Alec! Where are you? Are you all right?”

“James! Thank…. the coordinates…secondary goal.”

He could hear the relief in Alec’s voice through the static. He pulled out his notebook, flipping to the section where he’d noted Alec’s orders out of habit.

“We…attacked by rebels… don’t know…happened. I’ve… dead and wounded.”

All thoughts of the disagreement between them were gone. “Stay safe, do you hear me, Alec? Stay alive. I’m coming to get you.”

“Hurry, James. ...running out —” Alec’s voice cut off with a pained cry.

“Alec? Alec!” There was no response, only more static.

James strode over to the Humvee that his squad had been waiting for. “Get in. We’re going to rescue Trevelyan’s group. They’ve run into rebels.”

His squad reacted quickly to his order, and they were shortly on their way towards the spot in the desert where Alec waited for them.

 

~~~~

 

They halted roughly half a mile away from Alec’s coordinates, and James sent his scout ahead. He chafed at the delay, imagining all sorts of disasters that might have befallen Alec, but he needed accurate intel to properly plan their next move. He wished that it could be him scouting ahead instead of his corporal.

The scout returned with the layout of the area where Alec’s squad was pinned down in a cave, and possible locations of the enemy.

James took that information and quickly made a plan. He sent in half his squad to attack the rebels, while the other half went with him to extract Alec and the other men.

The half squad quickly routed the rebels, and gave chase as they fled, while he and the rest of his men entered the cave searching for survivors.

His heart was in his throat as he spotted Alec lying in a bloody heap next to a corpse. He spared the body a glance. Its face was a gory mess. The only thing that identified the once-handsome interpreter was the name tape on his chest.

He dropped to his knees next to Alec, noting the blood soaked pressure bandage already in place on his abdomen. He shot a glance at what was left of Hutchins, and reached two fingers to Alec’s throat, searching for a pulse.

He sagged in relief when he found it. He pulled out his first aid kid and tore open another pressure bandage. He placed it on top of the first bandage, and leaned on it, putting more pressure on the wound.

Alec’s eyes shot open as he gasped in pain, trying to squirm away from the pressure.

“Stay still.”

“James?” Green eyes dulled by pain and grief looked up at him.

“Yeah, it’s me. Take it easy. My men are going after the rebels.”

“Good.” Alec nodded wearily. “James. Is Mark…?”

“He’s dead.” He said it as gently as he could. It did neither of them any good to keep hating a dead man.

Alec’s eyes closed in pain. “Damn.”

James felt helpless as Alec lay there trying to breathe, moans occasionally escaping, and all James could do to help was keep pressure on the wound.

The team medic dropped to his knees on Alec’s other side.

James gratefully relinquished Alec’s treatment to the professional and shifted his grip to Alec’s hand.

The medic eyed their joined hands, but made no comment as he treated Alec.

James didn’t relinquish his place by Alec’s side until the medics were wheeling Alec into the operating theatre back at their base.

 

~~~~

 

He spent the first two hours of Alec's surgery reporting what he knew and defending his actions. He bristled when he realized the board was trying to cast blame on Alec for the incident.

“With respect,” he snapped, feeling anything but respectful, “Trevelyan was _not_ out of place. I found him and his squad in the area close to the grid coordinates of his secondary goal.”

Their colonel finally stepped in at that point to aid in defending Alec.

The members of the board reluctantly released him back to Alec’s side, although they didn’t say it quite that way.

As he left, he passed one of the observers, a short woman with iron gray hair. She glanced at him and continued on into the room he’d just left.

He went back to his quarters for a shower and new uniform.

Dried blood — Alec’s blood — flaked off his skin and uniform as he undressed. He tried to ignore it as he got into the shower.

The lukewarm water felt good and he tilted his head back into the stream. Then he leaned an arm against the wall and opened his eyes. All he saw was red slowly swirling into the drain. He jumped out of the shower with a cry, landing on his hands and knees, gagging over the pile of blood-stained clothing he’d left on the floor.

He jerked himself away from the bloody pile, rolling onto his back, and tried to control his nausea. Alec was in surgery. Alec had almost died, and while they knew death was a distinct possibility in their jobs, this had been a _training exercise._ They should have been _safe._

Eventually, freezing, he got up and staggered into the shower. He resolutely kept his eyes closed as he blindly reached for the soap and scrubbed himself clean.

 

~~~~

 

He rang the clinic before he left his room. Alec was still in surgery, but was expected to be out and in recovery within the hour.

The sun beat down on him as he walked, and he paused for a moment in the shade of a building.

Furious voices caught his attention, and he decided to move on, wanting no part of an altercation. Then he realized what they were talking about.

Alec’s squad had been deliberately sent into an area where rebels frequented, in the hope that would reignite the recently ended civil war. If ‘those gays’ and the rebels took each other out, well, that was just a bonus.

Burning anger settled into a cold fury as he listened. He couldn’t identify one voice, but the other was Dickerson, one of the neutral observers.

The two men left, going in different directions.

James pressed himself back into the side of the building to escape notice. He had no idea where the other man went, but Dickerson walked right past him. He waited for Dickerson to get a bit ahead of him, and then followed.

His eyes narrowed when he realized that Dickerson was going into the sauna building — past a notice proclaiming that it was closed for cleaning.

James loitered around outside until he judged that Dickerson would have had sufficient time to take off his clothes and go into the sauna. Then he cautiously entered the building, alert for any sign that his quarry remained in the outer room.

Once inside, he saw that the room was indeed empty.

He slipped off his clothes and placed them into a cubby. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist as he went to the sauna door.

He took a deep breath and went inside.

Sweat instantly rose on his skin.

Dickerson was next to the hotbox. He turned, snapping, “The sauna is closed. Get out.”

James felt a wolfish grin spread across his face. “Then you shouldn’t be in here either.”

Caught off guard by the blatant challenge, Dickerson blustered.

James ignored him and strode forward. When he was in reach, he stretched out his arms to grab Dickerson’s shoulders, and he hooked his foot around Dickerson’s leg. As he pulled Dickerson’s leg out from under him, he shoved Dickerson’s shoulders.

Dickerson’s head hit the bench behind him with a delightful crunch.

James crouched, checking his prey.

Dickerson’s pulse was slow and his breath was labored.

James rose with a feeling of satisfaction. He looked around, and his eyes lit on the hotbox full of stones by the wall. He smirked.

He stepped over Dickerson and wrapped his towel around his hand. He selected one of the more roundish stones and placed it on the floor near Dickerson’s feet.

He crouched down and checked a couple angles. Then he stood and placed his foot gingerly on the stone before pulling his foot sharply back, sending the stone rolling a few feet away.

Then he turned back to the hotbox, scooping up the bucket next to it and clumsily pouring water onto the hot stones. Steam rose up and he lost his grip on the bucket, knocking a few of the stones to the floor.

He picked the bucket back up and tossed it aside before squatting next to Dickerson again. The heat and steam were already affecting Dickerson. He’d probably be dead before anyone discovered him, a victim of an obvious accident.

He left the sauna, and after a quick, cooling shower, he pulled his uniform back on. He left the building and headed to the hospital, a small smile tugging at his lips. He needed to check on Alec.

 

~~~~

 

Alec was awake and in a private room by the time James returned to the hospital.

The look of relief on Alec’s face when he walked in had him regretting not being there when Alec woke up.

He grabbed a chair and pulled it up to the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve got a hole in my gut, how do you think I feel?”

He couldn't help the grin on his face at Alec’s sarcasm. “At least you’re alive to feel the hole in your gut.”

But Alec didn’t grin back. Instead, Alec’s expression became somber. “How many?”

He know what Alec was asking. How many dead? How many injured? His humour faded into seriousness. “Four dead, three injured. I’m sorry, Alec.”

“Damn. What the hell happened, James? It was supposed to be a training exercise!”

He glanced at the door, debating if he should tell Alec now or wait until later, when they were in a more secure environment. The problem was, if Alec knew that he was holding something back, Alec would keep at him until he gave up all he knew.

He looked at Alec, and with a sinking feeling he knew that Alec wouldn’t let it go. He had to tell Alec everything.

“Ja-aaaames.”

“Yes, I know. I’ll tell you. The official story is that your patrol ran across a group of rebels that weren’t expected to be in the area. You called for help, and my patrol was dispatched to assist.”

Alec’s green eyes darkened in anger. “That’s not what happened. I called for help and no one — _no one_ — responded. Then I called you on our private channel.”

He’d suspected as much, but the confirmation made him wish that he hadn’t killed Dickerson so impulsively. If he’d planned, he could have kept Dickerson alive and wishing for death for as long as he wanted — or until he or Alec got bored. “I said, that was the official story.”

“And what is the unofficial story?”

He shot a glance at the door. It was closed. He’d have to take the chance.

Alec watched him with a puzzled expression as he stood and leaned over the bed, bracing with one hand by Alec’s side.

Then he leaned over, putting his mouth right next to Alec’s ear. He could smell the scents of battle and surgery clinging to Alec’s skin and hair.

“James?”

There was a tiny bit of hope threading through the confusion in Alec’s voice, and it tore at him, but it couldn’t be helped. He couldn’t risk anyone overhearing what he had to say.

“Just listen. It was Dickerson. He wanted to restart the civil war, for profit, and he was willing to sacrifice your squad to do it. He chose you because… well…” he trailed off uncomfortably, unwilling to actually say the words. “Anyway. Dickerson is dead. I made sure of it.”

He straightened up, ignoring the shadow of hurt in Alec’s eyes, “He wasn’t working alone, but I couldn’t find out who he was working with.”

Alec closed his eyes, breathing steadily, in a controlled rhythm. “Right.”

“I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what prompted him. They both knew he wasn’t talking about letting Dickerson’s partner get away.

Alec’s eyes opened, bleak. “Go away, James.”

He felt like he’d been punched in the gut. “Alec, I —”

“I know, James. Just… go away.” Alec watched him wearily. “I’ll contact you later.”

He nodded, feeling devastated. At the door, he stopped and turned back.

Alec was watching him with a tired expression.

“Call me if you need anything?”

“Yeah. I will.”

He nodded. “All right, then.” He forced his feet to carry him through the door and out into the hallway.

 

~~~~

 

James walked into the pub feeling a bit lost. Alec was due back on duty in the morning, and he still had no idea where Alec was.

It killed him to know that Alec had chosen to go somewhere else to recover. Who was helping him?

He ordered his usual and crossed the crowded room to their usual table. He frowned when he caught sight of someone already sitting there.

He strode forward with determination. “Hey —” He stopped, stunned, as he realized the blond head that turned toward him was as familiar as the wide grin and sparkling green eyes.

“Hello, James.”

“Alec.” The name came out on a relieved breath. He studied Alec carefully, noting the easy grin, and healthy tan. Alec looked good.

He hesitated, then sat in his usual spot, next to Alec.

He wanted to ask where Alec had been, but decided against it. Alec would tell him or not, and prying would get him exactly nowhere.

They ate, talking about everything and nothing. It felt as though nothing had changed between them.

When he noticed the strained lines around Alec’s eyes, he blurted, “Come home with me. Your room is waiting for you. That is, I mean… unless you have other plans?”

Alec looked pleased for a moment before his face fell. “I’m still going to date men, James.”

That stabbed him in the heart. He wanted Alec home, with him, though. “I know. I know I can’t tell you who you can or can’t date.”

He meant that, but it didn’t mean he liked the idea of Alec dating another man. Maybe he could encourage Alec to date women? They’d always enjoyed their threesomes.

Alec studied him, and he did his best to keep his face open and relaxed until he cracked. “Please. Come home, Alec.”

Alec’s shoulders sank. “Yes. I will.”

James relaxed, relief filling him. Alec was choosing him.

 

~~~~

 

Shortly after they’d been promoted, him to Lieutenant, and Alec to Captain, they’d been called in to see their commanding officer. A strange man waited for them in the colonel’s outer office, and the colonel’s secretary was nowhere to be seen.

“Ah, good. Bond and Trevelyan. You’re right on time. Go on through. She’s expecting you.” The man gestured to the door.

He and Alec exchanged a bemused look.

Alec shrugged and led the way into the office.

Inside, there was a distinct lack of their colonel. Instead, a short woman with iron gray hair stood looking over some of the colonel’s decorations displayed on the bookshelf.

The woman turned, spearing them with sharp eyes, as they entered. She studied them both, looking them up and down. “Good morning, gentlemen. You may not remember me, but I’ve had my eye on you two for a while.”

Her manner and voice had them both coming automatically to attention.

A memory nudged at James. He’d seen her among the observers at the exercise last year. What was she doing here?

The events at the end of the exercise played through his mind. He wanted to glance at Alec, but didn’t quite dare. He had no idea who the woman was, but he had the feeling crossing her would be a poor life choice.

“Relax gentlemen. I’m here to make you an offer.” A smile twitched at the corner of the woman’s mouth. “How would you like to protect your country in a different manner? I represent MI6. You may call me M.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I love reviews, comments, and any other sort of communication. Feel free to stop in to say hi. You can find me on Tumblr at leavesdancing.tumblr.com.


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